Tear Down the Walls
by Lioness Black
Summary: Dawn has a normal life in California. Could one person possibly change that?
1. Chapter One

Title: Tear Down the Walls  
Author: Lioness Black  
Rating: PG13/T  
Summary: Dawn has a normal life in California. Can one person possibly change that?  
Notes: Post BSC related series. This has nothing to do with my other California Diaries stories.  
Warnings: Underage drinking, drug use, and like any good BSC fic from me, oral sex.  
Disclaimer: Not mine, just good fun.

* * *

Chapter One

Mom and Dad had been on the phone a lot. I realize that when divorced adults are parents, they have to stay to connected, but this was an unnatural amount of time for them to be on the phone, Dad always talking in a hushed voiced, like he didn't want me to hear.

It made me nervous.

I'm Dawn Schafer. I'm sixteen years old and I'm in my junior year at Vista High School in Palo City, California. I have shoulder length white-blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm pretty tall, and I dress comfortably, a lot of jeans and button-up shirts, or loose skirts and tank tops. My real vice is shoes, though, I own about four different pairs of boots, six different sneakers, several pairs of sandals, and I don't even know how many pairs of flip-flops I've bought. But you need lots of flip-flops when you love to go to the beach!

I'm pretty normal. I have a normal group of friends, and we're, well, normal. We go to school, do our homework, go to parties, sometimes we drink, sometimes we do drugs, but nothing crazy. No one is addicted to cocaine or something. We're teenagers, if we're not going to try pot now, when are we?

My parents have been divorced since I was twelve. My mom lives in Stoneybrook, Connecticut. That's where she grew up and her parents still live there, so after the divorce, she moved back, taking me, and my younger brother, Jeff, with her. I liked Stoneybrook, but Jeff never adjusted, so he moved back to California to live with Dad almost right away.

Mom adapted back into Stoneybrook life easily. She even met up with her high school sweetheart (and now widower) Richard Spier. They got married a couple months later, and I got a new stepsister, Mary Anne, who is my age, and one of my best friends.

After a while, I began to miss California. As much as I loved my life in Stoneybrook, Palo City was my _home_. So, I moved back to California, and a few changes had happened here, too. My dad remarried, a woman named Carol who is several years younger than him. She and I used to not get along, and even now, we still have our differences, but I love Carol. Soon after, Carol got pregnant, and now I have a little sister named Gracie who is three.

Now, things have fallen into place. I don't move back and forth, I want to _stay_ in California. I go to Stoneybrook for visits every summer, and some holidays. I love Mom, and my family and friends there, but I can't deny that I'm happier in California.

Mom and Dad are friendly. Even for a couple years after the divorce, they still spoke stiffly with each other. Now, they can talk and have a normal conversation. But it still made me nervous _how much_ they were on the phone. Did Dad know about the parties I was going to? Did he know about Ollie Moffatt the sophomore I've been sort-of dating?

However, I knew I couldn't ask him about it. It wasn't my place to ask about it. If it was about me (Jeff was in high school now, the eighth graders were in the high school building, but he was adjusting well) I could wait it out. He'd tell me eventually if it was about me.

So, I tried to ignore it, even if it made me nervous. I could obsess about little things, but I tried to be good. I had my own life to concentrate on.

I walked to school on Monday, meeting up with Sunny Winslow. We lived near each other and had been best friends since second grade. She was shorter than me, and way skinnier. Her hair was currently dishwater blonde, but she was known for dyeing it weird colors. She dressed very provocatively, but that was just Sunny. Her mom died when we were in eighth grade, and she never really recovered from that. We've been through some rough patches as friends, but we always come back to each other.

"Morning," she said, looking tired. She was eating an apple. "I was up until three in the morning."

"Why were you up that late?" I asked. It was a school night; I went to bed at eleven.

She smiled. "Douglas came over."

My jaw dropped. "Your dad let Douglas come over? WHAT?"

"He didn't _let_ Douglas come over, he didn't know about it. I snuck him upstairs and I snuck him back down. He parked around the block."

"Sunny! Details!"

"We didn't have sex," Sunny assured me quickly. "We just fooled around."

Sunny was the first girl I knew to lose her virginity. She was barely fourteen. But after that, she decided that she didn't want to have sex and hasn't done it since. However, that didn't stop her from fooling around with guys, and she dated some real losers. But I liked Douglas, he was nice guy, and I knew he wouldn't pressure her into anything. I sensed that her sexual hiatus would end with him.

"I can't believe you risked that," I said. "Dad would _kill_ me if I even thought about sneaking a guy into the house. And he'd know. I don't know how, but he'd know."

"Well, it's easier for me. Dad sleeps on the couch so much, Douglas and I had the whole upstairs to ourselves. By the time he left, Dad was out like a light. You don't have an upstairs, and a lot more people to potentially catch you," Sunny explained.

"I guess." It sounded risky to me.

We met up with Maggie Blume. I've known Maggie as long as I've known Sunny, but we were never as good as friends with her until middle school. Maggie's dad, you've probably heard of him, is Hayden Blume, yup, the movie producer. Maggie hates the movie business, though she's dated a couple actors. We always asked her to set _us_ up with movie stars, but she refuses.

Maggie and I are the same height, but she's as skinny as Sunny. Maggie has battled anorexia for years, and she still battles it today. She goes through some rapid identity issues at the most random times. She's been punk, preppy, and gothic, whatever. Right now she's doing the hippie thing, wearing a lot of paisley and growing her hair out. I don't think Maggie knows what she wants to be.

"Hi, guys!" Maggie said, looking happy. She's a morning person. She loves school, though she can stress out about it. Maybe that's why she likes the idea of the carefree hippie attitude.

"Hey, Maggie," Sunny and I replied together.

"It's starting to get cold out," Maggie said. She was wearing a cropped corduroy jacket.

I nodded. It was nearing the end of October and the temperature was dropping slowly. Sure, it wouldn't get _too_ cold, at least not compared to Connecticut autumns and winters, but for southern California? It was jacket weather.

We walked to school, while Sunny updated Maggie about Douglas. Maggie asked me about Ollie.

"I don't know, I didn't see him this weekend," I said.

"Why not? You're dating, and you spent all weekend without him?" Sunny asked.

"Ollie and I aren't dating," I said. "We're just… friends who kiss sometimes. Besides, I was baby-sitting all day on Saturday and on Sunday I had to do homework."

"That is so lame," Sunny said.

"Sorry, sorry." I rolled my eyes. Sunny could have weird ideas of what relationships _should_ be like. I decided to change the subject. "My mom and dad have been on the phone a lot."

"Do you think they're having an affair?" Maggie asked right away.

"_What?_" That thought hadn't even occurred to me, I was thinking far too much about myself. "No, I don't think that. They're both happily married." I used to have daydreams about my parents getting back together, but I know now that it's never going to happen, especially since Mom has Richard and Dad has Carol.

Maggie shrugged. "It happens. Time goes on, the bad feeling fade, good memories…"

"You've seen too many movies," Sunny said. She turned to me. "Your dad probably just figured out what you were hung over two weeks ago, and they're trying to figure out what to do about it."

"I was _not_ hung over. I was sleeping in," I said. "I wouldn't be bothered by it, except it seems like this giant secret. He's always whispering."

"Affair!" Maggie said. "I'm serious."

"This is my life, not some Hollywood gossip story!" I exclaimed. We walked up the lawn toward Vista. "I'm serious, it's something a lot simpler than that."

Maggie shook her head, kind of like _poor girl; she has no idea about the real world._

I hate to break it to you, Maggie, but you do not live in the real world.

--- --- ---

I spent lunch sitting with Sunny, Maggie, along with our friends Amalia Vargas, Brendan Jones, and Claire Greenwich.

Amalia and Brendan dated back in eighth grade, but they broke up pretty soon after. Now they're really good friends. Amalia has sworn off dating until college. Sunny says that's because she's going through a sexual identity crisis, but I think Amalia knows exactly what she wants, and that's to wait until college.

Amalia is really pretty; she's Latina, with lots of dark hair. She dresses in bright colors that accent her skin really well. She knows how to work colors well. She's an artist, but she does more with sketching than anything else. She's really good, I've seen some of her drawings, and she even gives out framed pictures she's drawn as gifts. I have a few.

Brendan now dates Claire. Claire is super popular and only started hanging out with us at the beginning of this school year when she got with Brendan over the summer. She's the kind of girl Maggie and Sunny used to make fun of, but now that we've gotten to know her, we like Claire a lot.

I know we made fun of her because we were jealous. Claire is gorgeous. She's half black (people mistake her for Latina a lot, but this _is_ southern California), petite, with perfect skin, and has her teeth professionally whitened. She dresses just ahead of the curve, always starting the newest trend. She's just as rich as Maggie because her mom is an actress and her dad is a director. They're divorced, and Claire lives with her mom here in Palo City, while her dad lives in Malibu. Unlike Maggie, who hates the movie business, Claire wants to be an actress, too. She's been in all the school plays, and she's had parts in movies.

Claire and Brendan are kind of a strange pair, since she's popular, outgoing, and maybe a little snobby, while Brendan is down-to-Earth, shy and kind of weird. He's got spiky blond hair and a goatee. He writes stories, but I think they're disturbing, though he gets better English and creative writing grades than all of us, even Maggie. But they seem to be really into each other. Whatever works. Brendan hadn't even looked at a girl since Amalia, and not because he still had feeling for her. I was starting to wonder if he was gay. Obviously, this is not the case. (I still had to learn that just because guys hang out with a lot of girls, it doesn't mean they're gay.)

Lunch is always loud, everyone talking over each other. We never have deep conversations during lunch, it's all casual and fun. We need a break after spending half a day in school, and getting ready to face the second half.

"I know it's Monday," Claire said, "but there is a major party happening this Friday night at a house of Palo Tech guys on Rotunda Road, you know where that is?"

"How did you hear about that already?" Sunny asked. "Don't Palo Tech guys normally plan these things a day ahead, buy a keg and call it a party?"

"I have connections. People want me to know about their parties," Claire replied.

"Rotunda Road, I know where that is," I said, trying to keep the peace by getting on the subject. "You'd have to get us a ride."

"Not a problem. We can get together enough drivers," Claire said. "I know tons of people who will want to take us."

It's kind of a pain in the butt, but none of us drive. My dad won't let me until I'm seventeen, Maggie's father doesn't see any point in her learning to drive when he gets chauffeurs. Claire's mother is the same way saying that a teenager driving is an accident and bad PR just waiting to happen. Sunny would rather be driven around, and Amalia's parents are like mine and insist that she wait until she's seventeen. Brendan has his license, but no car. His parents only let him drive their car to school and back.

"Douglas can give us a ride, I'm sure," Sunny said. She turned to me. "You should invite Ollie."

"I will," I said. I don't know why she was pushing that.

"I know it's not the popular opinion, but parties give me a headache," Amalia said. "All the smoke from pot and cigarettes? Who do those losers think they're kidding? Cigarettes don't make you cool."

"I agree," Sunny said right away. Her mom died from lung cancer. "But what can you do? Good times need to be had while we're young!"

"Maybe I'll pass," Amalia said. "You know, biology homework is way more important than a party."

"A party _is_ biology homework," Brendan replied.

"We should ask Ducky about it," Maggie said. "He would give us a ride, too, if we wanted. If there's a big party happening at Palo Tech, you know he knows about it."

Ducky is our friend, he goes to Palo Tech, he lives in one of the houses with the ten roommates and no privacy, but no one cares, they have sex anyway. We've known him since we were in eighth grade. He was sophomore at the time. We're not great friends with him like we were when he still went to Vista, but we're definitely friendly, and Ducky's a great guy. He would totally give us a ride. He'd probably let us crash with him, too.

After school, Ollie caught up with me. I grinned when I saw him. He came over and gave me a hug and then a brief kiss on the lips.

"Hey, Dawn," he said, his voice throaty.

"Hey," I replied.

Ollie is a surfer, he's been doing it since he was five years old. He's really good, his older brother, Dan, is a surf instructor at the beach. Dan's like ten years older than him, so by the time he was old enough to surf, Dan was there to teach him.

Ollie's also really cute. He's got a year-round tan and sun-bleached blond hair. He's pretty muscular from all the sports. He's kind of a hunk, and that's not normally my thing, but he's such a sweetheart, you have to like him. He can be really shy, and he's unsure of a lot of things, I guess because I'm older (he's fifteen). The first time we kissed, his hands we shaking as it happened. It was adorable. He's gotten a lot more comfortable with me since then. He's really only ever fully confident on a surfboard. Even so, he's really popular, surfers usually are by default at Vista, but it makes him anxious.

Once, I would have felt honored to have been "picked" by such a popular guy that other girls like, but it's not like that at all. Besides, I don't believe in people being "picked" by other people. Everything is mutual.

"What's going on?" he asked, leaning against the lock next to mine.

"Not a lot," I replied. "Did you hear about the party this weekend?"

"Party already? It's only Monday!" He laughed. "I haven't. Fill me in?"

"Palo Tech. They invited Claire, who invited us. I guess it'll be mostly college students?"

Ollie's eyes widened. "College students? No, I'm weird and awkward enough around your friends, I don't need to be intimidated by real life adults."

"College students are like real adults. They're going to give you beer, not scold you for it," I said.

"Beer tastes gross. I don't know how you can drink that stuff."

"I don't a lot!"

"I know." He smiled.

"Not everyone strives to keep their bodies as pure as you. Though you have to admit, I try."

Ollie nodded. He's a vegan. He doesn't eat any meat, nor does he eat products from animals, like milk and eggs. He eats more soy than I do. However, he still smokes pot. He always tells me it's from nature, and I have to agree with that. It _is_ just a plant.

"I won't resent you for your milk and fish eating ways," Ollie said. He was smiling that cute teasing smile.

I laughed. "Anyway, you don't have to decide about the party now." I leaned closer to him. "But there might be some… dark corners."

His eyes widened again, but this time it was different. We never got a chance to be alone, maybe that's why we weren't dating and we were simply friends that sometimes kiss. It's hard to go on dates on bicycles, or have someone chauffer you around.

"I'll be there," he said.

I grinned. "I'll see you before then, though."

He nodded and kissed me again. "You bet."

I left school, walking with Sunny and Maggie. As I left Sunny at her house, I ran into Jeff. We teased back and forth. Sometimes things can be weird between teenagers, but Jeff and I were still pretty close. It was nice.

We walked into the house, and Dad was home. Dad worked until five and then never got home before six. It was barely four. Something was wrong.

"I'm glad you two came home together," he said. "We need to talk about something."

Uh oh.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Jeff and I put away our backpacks, and I kicked off my shoes. I had thought it was a good idea to wear pumps to school, no, not so much. They looked great, but the pain is not worth the beauty and I wouldn't make that mistake again.

I walked back out into the living room and sat down in the armchair. Jeff was sitting on the couch with Dad.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I've been talking to your mom," Dad said, somehow angling himself so he could look at both Jeff and me and at the same time. "I wanted to talk to both of you before any decisions were made."

Jeff looked wary. "You're not moving us to Connecticut, are you?"

Dad laughed. "No, nothing like that. Everyone is staying here. Um, your mom has been talking to me about Mary Anne, actually."

"Mary Anne?" I repeated. "Is she okay?"

"That's… not really, Dawn. Mary Anne has been having some problems lately. She's been in therapy, but it's not really helping her."

"What?" I was confused. I had just spent seven weeks in Stoneybrook over the summer. Mary Anne seemed fine. Maybe a little bit more quiet than usual, but she had always been quiet. Besides, how did she not tell me about this? Why was Mom telling Dad about it?

Jeff asked the question for me. "Why do you know about this? Mary Anne isn't your family."

"No," Dad said, "but she's your family. Your mother and Richard have discussed this with Mary Anne, and they've discussed with Carol and me, and… they think that Mary Anne needs a change of scenery. They think that having her as far from Stoneybrook as possible would be best."

"What's been going on with her?" I asked.

"I'm not exactly sure. Your mother isn't even sure. It wouldn't be a permanent situation. It would be temporary. We'll see how things are at the end of December, when you all go to Stoneybrook for Christmas. Then we'll discuss it again, with her therapist there, and the one she'll have here," Dad explained. He looked directly at me.

"This wouldn't be a fun trip. I know you'll be excited having Mary Anne here, but this isn't for fun."

"I realize that," I said, a little offended that he would even assume I thought it was all fun and games. Mary Anne was obviously going through something if people who weren't even her family (Dad and Carol, not Jeff and me, obviously) were taking her in.

"Will she be going to Vista?"

Dad shook his head. "No, Vista's hard to get into, especially in the middle of the school year. Mary Anne will attend Palo High."

"Oh." That was weird. When I had transferred into Vista, both times, it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it was because I had been a student there before? Because I was in middle school when I transferred in? Of course, it was a big deal that I transferred schools. Mary Anne was transferring for two months. I have no idea what that took.

"Where will she sleep?" Jeff asked.

"This is where we need to talk about it," Dad said carefully. He looked back to me. "Dawn, if it would be all right, we'd like Mary Anne to share your room. It would only be for a couple of months," he added hastily.

"No, no, no, Dad, I love Mary Anne, but we tried sharing a room once before, we barely lasted two weeks. It was a disaster," I said.

"You're both older now, and what else are you going to do? Share with Gracie? Have Mary Anne sleep on the couch?" Dad looked frustrated, but then he sighed. "It would be a very big help if you would compromise."

I sighed, too. I could stand a few months without privacy. Sunny had bunked with me for enough times over the years when she needs to get away from her dad. "Yeah, she can stay with me. Of course."

Dad smiled. "Thank you, Dawn."

Jeff looked at Dad skeptically. "We're supposed to accept Mary Anne moving here for a few months like it's normal, and act like it's not weird to her? Don't you think it'll be weirder for her? And even weirder not to talk about it?"

"Mary Anne needs to get away from Stoneybrook. She needs to keep up with her studies, and she needs to it somewhere else. Don't prompt her to open up to you. Don't ask her what's going on. She has a therapist to talk to. Obviously, this doesn't mean don't speak to her at all. Conversation, small talk, asking for the butter at dinner, those things are fine. But as for why she's here? That's between Mary Anne and her therapist _alone._ If she wants to talk to you, that's one thing, but don't try and get it out of her," Dad said. I could tell most of that was directed at me.

"Dinner," Jeff said. "Mary Anne won't like our food."

"She'll adjust. We'll make a point to add some extra chicken and fish into our meals, so it's easier for her, how does that sound?" Dad suggested. He seemingly had already talked this over with Mom. "If she really wants a hamburger, she can go buy a hamburger."

Jeff nodded.

"Would it be okay for us to... hang out?" I asked. Then I added, "I know this isn't for fun, but she _is_ one of my best friends and my sister. While she's here, I'll want to include her into my life."

"If she wants to," Dad replied. "Don't push her, though. But feel free to ask. If she wants hang out with you and your friends, then that's great. But she might just want to be left alone."

I was quiet for a moment. "Does Mary Anne want to move here?"

Dad hesitated. "I've been given the impression that she's not too happy about it, but not unwilling."

"When will she be here?" Jeff asked.

"We were shooting for Thursday morning, after I had talked to you guys. I know that's short notice-"

"Short notice?" Jeff repeated. "That's you already deciding it and pretending like you care about our opinions."

Dad sighed. "Do you want to turn your stepsister away?"

"No, but you could have just told us how it was instead of acting like we had some sort of choice in the matter."

I had to admit, I kind of agreeing with Jeff. Even still, I said, "And she'll start school on Monday?"

Dad nodded.

"I'll start clearing out some closet space," I said. I thought about my closet. It was a wreck, covered with clothes I don't wear anymore and all my shoes piled on top of them. I pictured my formal dresses that I've never worn more than once hung up. They could be put into storage bags and put in the attic crawl space. It would be good to get things cleared out anyway.

"Thank you, Dawn," Dad said. "I know this will be a strange adjustment to make, but I think we can all do it."

I don't know what it was, but I was feeling a strange sense of dread. I should be happy. Mary Anne is one of my best friends. My sister. Why wouldn't I want her to come live with me?

_Because this is _my_ space._

I tried to think of things that were different in Mary Anne's life. She hadn't had a boyfriend since freshman year, a short thing with Irv Hirsch. She had dated Logan Bruno all through eighth grade, but she had told me that steady boyfriends were not her thing anymore. Maybe she had a secret boyfriend she wasn't telling anyone about. That didn't seem like Mary Anne, but she loves romance, so maybe a secret relationship sounded romantic to her.

Maybe she was dating someone embarrassing like Alan Gray and she didn't want anyone to know. I couldn't see Mom and Richard disapproving of Alan (or anyone) to this extreme.

Her grandmother had passed away in the spring. I remembered that Mary Anne had taken a week of school while she, Mom, and Richard went to Iowa for all the funeral things. But that was months ago. Of course, whatever these problems were, they hadn't come up out of nowhere since the summer.

Everything seemed fine with our friends in Stoneybrook. She wasn't suddenly using the silent treatment on anyone. Mary Anne is amazing at the silent treatment. I would have noticed. And everyone was around. It wasn't like anyone avoided the house, or Mary Anne.

Instead of cleaning out my closet like I said I was going to do, I called Sunny and told her what was happening.

"That is insane!" Sunny replied. "It'll be cool to see Mary Anne, though, right?"

"Right," I said, sounding a lot less certain. "I don't know how much we'll see each other, even living in the same room. Between going to different schools, and she'll make her own friends, and we'll just have busy lives."

"I guess." Now she sounds dejected. "I wonder why this is happening, though."

I shrugged and then said, "I don't know."

"Maybe Mary Anne is in the middle of a teen pregnancy."

"Sunny!" I exclaimed. "You're as bad as Maggie! And this is _Mary Anne_ we're talking about here."

"Okay, okay. I guess that's the sort of thing I'd get myself into, not Mary Anne."

I laughed, but the matter-of-fact way she said it made me a little uneasy. "I should be cleaning out my room. She'll be here in three days. I think we'll be setting her up on your cot. She's only going to be here a couple of months."

"Mmhm. That thing is a lot comfier than it looks. Well, if you need to do stuff, I won't keep you. I need to do homework," Sunny said.

There was a time when a comment like that from Sunny would have made me faint. She nearly failed eighth and ninth grades. Somewhere in the middle of sophomore year, she got her act together when it came to school. She still takes partying way more seriously than school, but she does well with B's and C's.

Sunny and I said our goodbyes and I sort of wrote a report on _Hamlet_, and I sort of cleaned out the closet, but I just made a bigger mess than I had when I started. On both the closet and my paper.

Typical.

--- --- ---

On Wednesday, I was excited to see Mary Anne, but I was still nervous about the whole situation. It bothered me that we didn't really know why Mary Anne needed to move to the other end of the country to get away from her problems. What kind of problems could be _that_ bad?

I guess it was kind of distracting. I don't really remember any of my classes from that morning, even though I took notes (and it's a good thing). At lunch, I sat down next to Maggie. She was pouring over a textbook.

I was about to put vinaigrette dressing on my salad, and realized that I had gotten one with chicken. Not that I don't like chicken, I do, but it wasn't what I was in the mood for. The rest of the salad was perfectly good with red onion and hard-boiled eggs. I turned to Maggie. "Do you want the chicken off my salad?"

She looked up and inspected the chicken. She wrinkled her nose. "No, thanks."

"I'll take it," Brendan said, reaching across the table for my salad. He speared all the grilled chicken pieces with his fork and piled them up next to his fries.

"Thanks." I poured on the dressing, and looked back to Maggie. I was going to say something to her, but I stopped when I noticed her scraping the mayonnaise off of her veggie burger. She wasn't even really looking at it. She was still reading her text.

"Um, Maggie?"

She looked up from her book again. "Yeah?" She looked kind of annoyed.

"Your burger okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah. I don't like mayo that much." She paused and didn't look annoyed anymore. "Don't worry, Dawn, I'm going to eat it."

"Okay." I noticed that she hadn't gotten anything else except the burger. Of course, I hadn't gotten anything else but the salad, so I guess I couldn't really say much.

"Calculus," Maggie said.

"What?"

"I have a calculus test right after lunch, I'm trying to review. Dad had a bunch of people over last night to screen his new movie and I was forced to sit through it, even though I'm going to see it a hundred more times before it premiers, and I'll have to see it then, too. But because of that, I only got in two hours of study time, and I can't flunk this test, it'll screw up my whole average."

"Was the movie good?" Brendan asked.

Maggie shrugged. "It was okay for one of dad's movies. It was more than just explosion after explosion, there was actual character interaction. Everyone raved. I told him I liked it, and he seemed genuinely pleased." She sounded pleased that he dad actually approved of her opinion, even though it was the opinion he wanted to hear. "But I really need to study." She again returned to the textbook.

Amalia sat down next to Brendan. She looked at Maggie's plate. "A veggie burger and a pile of mayo?"

"The pile of mayo was once part of the veggie burger," Brendan explained. "Like this chicken was once part of Dawn's salad."

"Are you not eating meat?" Amalia asked me. "Is this Ollie's influence? Because I've seen you eat chicken a million times."

I shrugged. "I'm not in the mood for it. I'm really nervous about this Mary Anne thing, so I'm eating light. My stomach can't take it. I'm drinking a lot of orange juice."

Sunny plopped down next to me. "Orange juice? Did you know that if you have enough vitamin C, it can be a substitute for the morning after pill?"

"That's not true," Amalia said.

"It doesn't matter if it's true or not," I said. "I'm just trying to get vitamins in me since I'm not eating a lot of meat right now."

"Which is also why you don't need the morning after pill," Sunny said.

"Jesus, Sunny!" I exclaimed. "You have no tact whatsoever."

Sunny just laughed. "Dawn, you can't get pregnant from oral sex."

"And you'd know," I mumbled. I could feel my face flushing a little.

She made a face at me. "For your information, I've only gone down on two guys since the freshman year sexcapade. Two guys in two years. You have to admit, that's pretty non-slutty of me. And one of them is Douglas, and we've been practically dating for two months."

Before I could respond, Amalia asked, "_Practically_ dating?"

"Well, yeah. It's not official or anything. Douglas and I aren't like that. It just is what it is. We're free to date other people if we want, we just… don't. We're not obligated to each other, so it makes us like to be together more."

"Why is it okay for you to _practically_ date Douglas, but you insist I have to really date Ollie?" I asked.

"Because practically dating wouldn't work for you," Sunny replied right away. "You need constant reassurance that you're the only girl in the world."

I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe you should go down on Ollie," she suggested, as though this would solve poverty and global warming. Though, considering Sunny's mind, she probably thought it _would._

"Why? So I can be like you?"

"Oh, Dawn, everyone does it. You need to get with the times. Oral sex is nothing. Right, Maggie?"

Maggie looked up. "What? Oh, hi, Sunny."

"Never mind," Sunny said. "Amalia?"

"No comment," Amalia replied as Maggie looked back to her book.

Sunny looked to Brendan. "What about you?"

He stared at her for a moment. "I've never gone down on a guy."

She laughed. "What I meant was, has anyone gone down on _you_?"

"Oh. Yeah. Claire. But if you mention to anyone that I told you, I will chop you all up into little pieces and make you into hamburger."

That's typical Brendan humor. He can be so weird. But I knew he didn't mean it, so I said, "I can stand being chopped up into little pieces, but to know that I'm hamburger? That's disgusting."

Everyone cracked up except for Maggie who was lost in her own little studying world.

Claire sat down on Brendan's other side. "What's so funny?"

We all started laughing again. Claire didn't look pleased. She tossed her hair over her should and stole one of the chicken pieces off of Brendan's plate.

He kissed her cheek. "Don't worry about it."

I have to admit, I was jealous. They were cute together, and even though they seemed to have nothing in common, they had a sweet moment. I want to be comfortable enough with a guy to steal food off his plate, and him to be comfortable enough with me (and himself) to kiss me in front of all our friends.

Could I get that in Ollie? He was sweet, but constantly nervous. And we didn't have the same group of friends. We knew all the same people, but not the same crowds.

I had to give it to my friends, by the end of lunch they had successfully taken Mary Anne off my mind. However, as we got up to leave, I noticed that Maggie's veggie burger was barely half eaten.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Wednesday night, Dad and I had a fight over if I could skip school and come to the airport with Carol to pick up Mary Anne. I won when Carol pointed out that Mary Anne might like a more familiar face. Mary Anne hadn't been out here once since Dad and Carol got married. She hadn't even _met_ Gracie.

Besides, I didn't have any tests and Maggie promised to get all of my homework for me.

So, at ten AM Thursday morning, I was sitting on the floor at the airport waiting for Mary Anne's plane. I was playing with Gracie to pass the time and keep her from getting whiny. Carol was sitting in a chair reading _Blades_ magazine.

"Check out these cute kids' roller blades," Carol said, thrusting the magazine in my face. "More and more parents are going blading with their kids, even the really little ones. Read the article."

"I will later," I promised. I way too keyed up to read an article.

Mary Anne flight was on time, at 10:20, but we had to wait for her to make it through the maze of halls from the gate to where we were waiting for her.

I didn't recognize her right away. She was wearing blue ballet flats, khakis, and a navy sweater with a v-neck collar. Her tan trench coat was draped over one arm. That was normal, but she was wearing a weird orangey shade of lipstick that wasn't her color at all, and then she was wearing a hat. I don't know if I've ever seen Mary Anne wear a hat that wasn't to keep her head warm.

She always goes back and forth between long and short hair. When I had seen her over the summer, it was shoulder-length and layered and she had bangs. Now, she was wearing a black beret with all of her hair tucked into it. Maybe she had just cut it again. Maybe it didn't look good, though she had always looked good with short hair, too.

I got up off the floor and hugged her. She hugged me back, but it wasn't very warm. However, when I pulled away, she looked a little teary. Coming from Mary Anne, that was a good sign.

"How are you?" I asked. "How was the flight?"

"I'm fine, the flight was fine. Boring. They showed the one Tyler Kendall movie I don't like," Mary Anne replied. "So I listened to my headphones most of the trip."

Carol smiled warmly. She was holding one of Gracie's hands. "Hey, Mary Anne."

"Hi, Carol," Mary Anne replied. She looked at Gracie and then squatted down in front of her. "You must be Gracie. I'm Mary Anne."

Gracie hid behind Carol's leg, but whispered, "Hi."

Mary Anne stood up straight. She wasn't smiling, but she looked happy enough.

"Are you hungry?" Carol asked as we headed toward baggage claim. "You've got be starving, being on east coast time."

"I could eat," Mary Anne replied. "They gave us snacks on the plane, but real food sounds good. Could we ease into tofu barley salad, though?"

Carol and I both laughed.

"We've already planned to add more chicken and fish into our meals," I said.

Mary Anne smiled briefly and nodded. She picked up her luggage off the carousal. It was new luggage. It was purple canvas with bright white trim.

"I like your new suitcases," I said, helping her pull off the larger matching piece.

"Dad bought it for me," she replied. "For this. He said my old luggage was getting tatty. It was a nice way of saying I needed something that didn't have kittens on it."

It seemed strange that she would phrase it like that. I tried not to think much of it.

"Where do you want to eat?" Carol asked. "We'll go anywhere you want, Mary Anne. Even McDonald's."

"Anywhere is fine," Mary Anne replied. "Whatever you guys want. I'll be able to find something to eat."

"What about the Fiesta Grill by Vista?" I suggested, looking more to Carol than Mary Anne. "My friends and I can always find something there – vegetarian and not. And they'll be open by the time we get there."

"Will there be a million loud teenagers there?" Carol asked.

"Probably."

"Sounds great."

Mary Anne was quiet on the drive to the restaurant. She sat in the back seat (she insisted) with Gracie. I heard Gracie giggling, and I looked around and Mary Anne was tickling her. I smiled.

Knowing Mary Anne as well as I did, I knew something wasn't right with her, but on whole, it didn't seem like she was in a state of needing to move across the country with (half of) her stepfamily.

"How are mom and Richard?" I asked.

"They're fine," Mary Anne said. "Sharon's taking classes to get her real estate license, but I'm sure you heard about that."

I nodded. "Yeah. How are they going? I haven't talked to her in about a week."

"It's all right. There's some young guy trying to take Dad's job at work. He's really stressed out about it. Carol, how's work going for you?"

"Great," Carol replied. "Lots of work, but taking the day off wasn't a problem. Jack had to work, and he's sorry he couldn't be here."

"That's all right," Mary Anne said.

One thing I like about Carol is that she has this ability to make weird situations seem perfectly fine. She acted like this whole thing was totally normal. Carol and I might not always get along, but she was putting _me_ at ease, (something that doesn't happen often) and I hoped Mary Anne was feeling it, too.

It was about 11:30 when we got to the Fiesta Grill. We got a table. There weren't any other teenagers there.

"Upperclassmen don't have lunch for another hour," I said.

I ordered the black bean burrito. It came with rice and a small salad. Carol got the cheese tortillas (with rice and a salad) and a children's taco meal for Gracie. Mary Anne ordered a chicken burrito, ala Carte. So, no rice, no meal. Just the burrito.

"Are you sure that's all you want?" I asked.

Mary Anne nodded. "I told you, we got snacks on the plane."

"Okay." Whatever. She wasn't hungry. Mary Anne wasn't ever a big eater. I tried again. "I like your hat."

"Claudia gave it to me."

"How _is_ Claud?"

"Fighting eleventh grade. I think she might drop out. She keeps talking about it. I keep telling her she'll have to get a real job and she might as well graduate. Her parents would never let her quit school and then just keep up part-time baby-sitting." Mary Anne paused. "Claudia and I have gotten pretty close lately. It was tough to leave."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

She didn't say anything else. Carol filled up the space with endless chatter about nothing. I was grateful for it. This was so awkward with Mary Anne. She wasn't rude or anything, she just wasn't _herself_. I didn't know how to handle that. She had changed since I met her in the seventh grade, but it was so subtle and natural. This was weird.

I thought about Claudia. I guess she was around more when I visited over the summer. But everyone was around a lot, since they don't see me often. I hung out with all my old friends, Stacey, Mallory, Kristy, Logan, Jessi, Abby, Shannon… there were so many people.

After lunch (brunch?) we went back to the house. I helped Mary Anne take her things inside and into my room. She looked at the cot.

"Sunny swears it's comfortable," I said. "She's slept on it enough times over the years. If it's not, we can get an air mattress or something."

Mary Anne nodded. She sat down on the cot and sighed.

"You want me to help you unpack?" I asked.

"If you want to," she replied. "I'm tired."

I really wanted to sit down on my bed and ask her what was going on, but that was exactly what Dad didn't want me to do. "There's soda," I said lamely. "Dad and I bought a few things last night that you would like."

"You guys didn't have to go out of your way. I'm being enough trouble as it is. Your dad and Carol really didn't have to do this. They shouldn't have had to at all. It's not as bad as everyone keeps making it out to be."

"What is?" I couldn't help but ask.

Mary Anne looked up at me. "You have to promise not to laugh."

"I promise."

Reluctantly, Mary Anne reached up and took off the beret. She looked down at the floor.

I gasped. I couldn't help it. Mary Anne hadn't just cut her hair, she had shaved it all off. There was some growth, but it had definitely been shaved. But as I looked at her, I realized that it didn't look _bad_. I just wasn't used to it. She always did look good with short hair. It turns out that Mary Anne has a nicely shaped head.

"Mary Anne, it's not that bad," I said. "It looks better than the orange lipstick."

She actually laughed. "Oh, yeah. Dad hates this lipstick, so I keep wearing it. I guess I can stop, now."

"You're wearing lipstick specifically because Richard hates it?"

"Yup. He hates the lack of hair, too. Claudia said it looked cool, but she gave me the hat anyway. If Dad was going to make me wear a hat, I was going to pick it. He said the hair was the last straw. He told me to wear it all the time. I was going to borrow a crazy outfit from Claudia to wear on the plane, but then I got worried what people would think, and I started freaking out about my hair, so I kept my hat on."

"No one will care about your hair. It looks kinda cool, actually," I said. "I don't think it'll be a big deal. Sunny might even be so impressed that she shaves her head, too. She's hasn't done anything too crazy for a while."

Mary Anne smiled. "The offer to help me unpack still there?"

"Yes, it is." I grinned.

She opened one of the suitcases. It was full of clothes and a few books.

We were just unpacking her clothes and putting things away, but we had fun. Mary Anne seemed a lot more like her old self. I wished I knew what was going on.

Sunny had insisted we come over to her house after she got out of school to hang out. A few other people were going to be there, but it wasn't going to be a big deal.

"Should I change my clothes?" Mary Anne asked.

"If you want," I said. I was changing my shirt, but I kept on my jeans and purple Converse sneakers. I put on an olive green tank top and then brushed my hair.

Mar Anne changed into jeans and a fitted white t-shirt. "It's weird not having to wear a coat in October. It's almost Halloween."

"I'm going to wear a jacket," I said. "It's not like your trench, though."

She nodded. "Are you sure my hair is okay?"

"I promise. I wouldn't lie to you."

"Okay." She was blushing a little. She opened up a compact and put on some makeup. Not the orange lipstick, thankfully.

We went over to Sunny's. Amalia and Brendan had come over as well. I realized, in a slight panic, that Mary Anne had never met Amalia or Brendan. It wasn't a big deal, though. My friends are so cool.

Sunny hugged Mary Anne like they were best buddies. "Hey, Mary Anne! I love your hair, it's awesome!"

Mary Anne smiled. "Thanks."

"This is Amalia and Brendan," I said. "I'm sure you can guess who is who."

Mary Anne shook their hands and we all sat down around the living room. Sunny had set out some veggie chips and all natural oatmeal cookies. Everyone dove into the cookies. Sunny and I ate the veggie chips, too.

Sunny rambled on about school, and Douglas, and how Palo High had really cute guys, and Mary Anne would probably find a boyfriend in thirty seconds, and then she asked, "Are you coming to the party with us tomorrow night, Mary Anne?"

"Party?" Mary Anne asked blankly.

"It's a big shindig," Brendan said. "Over by Palo Tech, the local college. We're all planning on going."

"Maybe," Amalia said. "I mean, they're going. I don't know about me. I hate having to sneak around."

"I'm telling Dad I'll be spending the night at Claire's," I said. "You know he doesn't like calling her house after their housekeeper cussed him out in Spanish. I won't even have to call him. I'll walk to her house with my overnight stuff, and then when Ducky comes to pick us up, I'll just leave it in his car."

"It just doesn't seem worth it for all the drinking and drugs," Amalia said. "But I guess you're looking forward to some alone time with Ollie."

"Ollie?" Mary Anne said, looking at me. She was smirking.

I flushed. "He's… sort of like my boyfriend. Not really, though."

"Does he drive?"

"He's fifteen."

"Oh." She giggled.

"But if you want to come," I said to Mary Anne, "you're more than welcome. We'll have fun. Parties always are. You'll get to meet the whole crowd, and then some. This party's a big deal, I'll bet people from Palo High will be there, too, so you can maybe make friends there."

"Sure. I don't really have any party clothes."

I was about to tell her she could wear whatever she wanted to when Sunny jumped in and said, "You can borrow something from me!"

Mary Anne looked at her. Sunny was wearing red Doc Marten boots, super tight jeans with holes in the knees that were tucked into the boots, and a long sleeved black t-shirt, but the arms were attached to the rest of the shirt with safety pins. I wasn't sure if it came like that, or if Sunny had doctored it. Either way, it really wasn't Mary Anne's style. So, I was pretty surprised to hear Mary Anne say,

"Sure."

Well, whatever. Shaving her head wasn't really Mary Anne's style either, so who am I to say anything? I'm just her stepsister who apparently knows absolutely nothing about her.

Instead, I concentrated on Amalia. "We'll have a lot of fun. You know we will. We can go outside if the smoke bothers you."

"Unless it rains," Amalia said.

"Well, I'll go outside then. I'm sure the smoke will bother me. And you can tell your mom that you're spending the night with me and Claire."

"My mom doesn't care if housekeepers swear at her in Spanish. She'll swear right back."

I chuckled. "But she'll know where you are. She won't have to worry and want to call. Tell her Maggie will be there, too. Technically, you'll be with all the people you're saying you're with. You just won't be where you're saying you are. It's only half a lie."

"You're making me feel better, Dawn," Amalia said, also giggling.

"Just don't mention I'll be there," Brendan said. "I don't think she'll appreciate boys at a sleepover."

Amalia giggled again. "Probably not. Though she might prefer it to a party with boys, drinking, and drugs. Since it's so important to everyone, I'll come. Besides, I haven't seen Ducky in ages. Not since school started."

"That's right, you didn't come to last Palo Tech party," Sunny said. "And it wasn't wild at all, except for Ducky at the karaoke."

Brendan and I groaned. "He was awful!" I said with a laugh. I looked over at Mary Anne. She looked amused.

"Though Dawn got pretty drunk," Sunny continued. "Remember that?"

I paused. "Not really."

Everyone laughed again.

"You got drunk? Mary Anne asked.

I shrugged. What was I supposed to say to that? We went to parties in Stoneybrook. Sure, not college parties, but there was alcohol and I drank. Not a lot, but I had some. I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say. I suppose we could both have pretty high expectations of each other, and we could both easily not meet them.

As much fun as we were having, I had to remind myself that Mary Anne was different. She was here for a reason, and that was to get better. I wasn't sure what she was getting better _from_. Not when she seemed normal. Maybe more distant, and a little bit more wild, but she was still Mary Anne. The one I'd known for years. Whatever was going on had to be important, but it didn't seem important.

It was just amazing to be here, really hanging out with my sister.

"We'll probably have to ask Dad if you can come with us. He might be weird for these first couple of weeks," I said.

"He won't object to a sleepover," Sunny said. "Don't even think about it."

"You're right."

Mary Anne was nodding. "I do that all the time. Not go to parties, but going to quote, unquote, sleepovers and go somewhere completely different."

"Where do you go?" I asked.

"Wherever." And that's all she said on the subject. She came back to our party. "Where are you staying, if not at this girl Claire's?"

"With Ducky. He has a million roommates, they won't care, especially on a party night," I said. "And Claire is Brendan's girlfriend."

"Okay." Mary Anne didn't sound thrilled. But who could blame her? She was getting dragged to a party with a bunch of people she barely knew (_so_ not a Mary Anne thing) to then spend the night with a guy she's never met, along with his college housemates.

"It sounds like we have a plan," Sunny said with a grin. She picked up a veggie chip and popped in her mouth. She chewed and added, "We're going to have a great time."

Famous last words.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

I poked my head into the kitchen. "Dad, I'm leaving."

Dad looked up at me. He and Carol had bills spread out all over the kitchen table. He looked a little frazzled. That was probably a good thing, since he'd be less likely to notice me.

"When are you going to be home tomorrow?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Noon? Who knows. We're starting pretty late as it is… but it's a sleepover. And I think Maggie's going to help me with math while we're there." I knew he was worried about my math grade. I was a little worried about it, too. Not worried enough to actually study tonight, though.

He nodded. "Have fun."

"Thanks, Dad. See ya, Carol." I adjusted my knapsack on my shoulder and headed out the door. Sometimes it felt sneaky lying to them like that. I didn't worry about Mary Anne, she was getting a ride with Sunny and Douglas.

I walked to Claire's house. She lives a couple blocks down from Maggie. I rang the doorbell and the butler let me in. Yes, they have an actual butler. It's ridiculous. At Maggie's house, they just have a housekeeper. I mean, even my family has a housekeeper, though Mrs. Bruen is like a member of our family.

I went up to Claire's room. Her friend Diana was there, too. I stick pretty close to my group of friends. Claire has a million friends. I know a few of them. I just know Diana because she's popular and one of Claire's better friends. She sits with us sometimes at lunch, but that's just because Claire does. She didn't say anything to me.

"Hi, Dawn," Claire said. She was sitting at her vanity putting on makeup.

"Hey," I said. "I brought a change of clothes. I didn't want Dad thinking I was going anywhere special."

"My house isn't special enough to dress up?"

I was about to protest, and then I realized Claire was teasing. I laughed. "Sorry," I said. I changed out of my jeans into a black miniskirt. I held up two shirts. "Which one?"

Claire turned around. "Neither. Take off that skirt, too." She got out of her chair and dug around in her closet and handed me a sleeveless dress. It was dark purple with subtle black horizontal stripes. It had a baggy turtleneck (That style of neckline probably has a real name). "Keep it."

I changed into the dress. It fit me a little tighter around the bust and waist than I'm sure it fit Claire and was about a short as the miniskirt. "Does it look okay?"

"It looks great," she said.

"You only wore this once, didn't you?" I said, laughing a little.

"Maybe twice. I won't wear it again. But it looks good on you. I have black shrug that goes with it if you want that, too. I never wore it, but I think it would look good on you."

"Sure." I never felt bad taking clothes from Claire. She got loads of new clothes all the time, and she was very generous. She was smaller, though. Her clothes looked a lot better on Maggie and Sunny than on me.

She got me the shrug. It was really tight and black vinyl. It just wrapped around the back of my shoulders and my arms. Claire looked disapprovingly. "It fits you weird."

"I'm bigger than you," I said. I felt like I couldn't really move.

Claire fussed over me for a few minutes until she had me put the shrug on _under_ the dress. It was still hard to move, but there wasn't the feeling of fabric bulking underneath it. She finished putting on her makeup, while I did mine.

Diana looked bored. Whatever. I wasn't trying to impress her. So I just finished up my makeup and put on my shoes (black pleather boots that hit me about mid-calf. Claire approved).

My phone rang, and I picked it up. It was a text message from Ducky letting me know he was waiting downstairs. I packed up my knapsack and put in on two pairs of silver hoop earrings, big silver ones on the bottom and tiny ones in the top holes.

The three of us went downstairs. Claire's mother wasn't home, so we just walked out the door, no questions asked. I jumped into the front seat of the car and gave Ducky a big hug.

"Hi!"

"Hey, Dawn," he said, grinning. Claire and Diana got into the back seat. Claire sort of knows Ducky, and Diana was looking around like the car would give her a disease, so they let me sit up front. Ducky looked in the review mirror. "Hey, ladies."

Diana rolled her eyes. Claire smiled her million-dollar smile. "Hi, Ducky."

Ducky grinned again. He might have even blushed a little. He looked great, and I told him so. Ducky is one of the best-dressed guys I know. He wears funky thrift store clothes, and he always looks awesome. He was wearing fitted blue jeans and a red sweater with a black stripe running across the shoulders and down the arms. There were thumb holes cut into the cuffs.

"Thanks," he replied. "You look nice, too. Is that new?"

"A little used," I replied. "From Claire. Is it okay if I leave my bag in your car?"

"Go for it." Ducky was pretty easy going.

We picked up Maggie and Amalia. We were pretty cramped, but we were all really excited about the party, so we didn't care. Walking, it would have taken us forever. Driving, we got there in fifteen minutes.

I got out of the car and looked around. First off, the house was huge, but it looked to be about a hundred years old. I thought it was pretty cool. The party seemed pretty low-key. I could hear music from outside, but it wasn't blaring. There were people sitting outside on the front porch smoking cigarettes.

We went inside and it was pretty calm. I noticed everyone had beer, and there was some kind green drink, and iced tea (though I'm pretty sure that had alcohol in it, too). I looked around for Sunny or Mary Anne, but I didn't see them.

"Do you think they're here yet?" Claire asked. I knew that Douglas was picking up Brendan, too. They're next-door neighbors.

"I don't know. I'm going to get something to drink," I said. I went into the kitchen and found the drinks. Beer, apple flavored wine, and the tea. I spotted a few bottles of Long Island iced tea mix in the trash. For not having tea in it, it sure looked like tea. I tried a sip and it was pretty good so I got a glass.

I turned around and was face-to-face with Sunny and Mary Anne.

"You were reading my mind!" Sunny said. She got a beer and then sat up on the edge of the sink. "What do you think of Mary Anne's outfit?"

I looked at Mary Anne. She was wearing baggy black pants that were held up with suspenders and a red, fitted long-sleeved shirt with white buttons up the front. It was only buttoned about halfway up and Mary Anne was not wearing a bra. While Mary Anne has never been big chested, she definitely needed to wear a bra.

"I like it," I said, even though I didn't, really. Mary Anne seemed to like it, so I went along with it.

"I like your dress," Mary Anne said. "That's not what you planned to wear."

"Claire gave it to me," I replied.

"You can tell by the way it stretches across her breasts," Sunny said. "Claire's hot, but she's not much in the bust department. A B versus Dawn's D-cup. Not that Claire would be able to stand up right if she had big boobs considering how small her waist is."

"Are you saying I have a big waist?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at Sunny.

She paled. "No!"

I laughed. "I'm kidding. I guess I'm just showing off my curves."

"And they look nice."

I looked over and there was Ollie. He looked really cute, though he had obviously taken a shower right before he came over, his hair was still wet, his hair in the most adorable damp curls.

"Hey!" I wrapped an arm around his waist and gave him a hug. I left my arm there. He didn't seem to mind, though he was looking down at the floor.

"Hey, Ollie," Sunny said in this teasing voice. Like she knew of all sorts of dirty things that Ollie and I had been doing. Nothing that Sunny could have been possibly thinking had ever happened to me, let alone with Ollie.

"Hi, Sunny," he mumbled. He did look up and smile at her.

"Ollie, this is my stepsister, Mary Anne," I said. "Mary Anne, this is Ollie."

He turned his attention to Mary Anne, but his eyes stopped at her chest for a moment before he looked at her face. He smiled. "Nice to meet you."

"You, too," she said.

There was some awkward small talk, and I finished my drink. I got another one, and Ollie found bottled water in the fridge for himself. He took my hand in his. "Let's go somewhere alone."

I wasn't about to argue! I followed him upstairs to the third floor where we found an empty bedroom. We sat down on the bed. I sipped at my drink.

"This is nice," he said. "Being alone for once."

I smiled. "I know what you mean. It'll be nice when we can drive and can go on real dates or something."

Ollie paused. "Is that what we're doing? Dating?"

I raised my eyebrows. "I… I don't know, to be honest. It sort of feels like it. Just without the dates."

He nodded. "I know. We should… fix that. The dates part. We should definitely go out on dates. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with you, Dawn. I really like being with you. There's… there's always girls following me around, sending me notes during classes, and why? Because I surf?"

"It's because you have nice arms," I said.

He laughed. "They make me uncomfortable. You make me laugh. You make me feel good. Even when I'm uncomfortable."

"That's Sunny's fault."

He chuckled. "Maybe."

"I could make you uncomfortable."

"Shoot."

"Did you like looking at Mary Anne's chest?" I asked, smirking a little.

"What? No!" Ollie's face turned bright red. "It was just… hard not to notice."

I laughed. "It's okay. I'm teasing. Believe me, I noticed, too." I set down my cup and leaned over and kissed him.

He made a pleasantly surprised noise and kissed me back.

We started really making out. I pushed him down onto the bed and was straddling him at the waist. The skirt of my dress was riding up my thighs and I didn't even care. We had reached this point, what difference would it make if he saw my underwear? Ollie seemed perfectly at ease with his hands resting on my hips. There was no nervousness from him at all.

I'm not sure how long we made out for, but I was starting to get a little uncomfortable. Not from the kissing, that felt great, but I had to go to the bathroom. Those two drinks, plus the seltzer I had before I left the house were suddenly coming back to haunt me at the worst possible time.

I guess Ollie noticed that I was a little fidgety. "You okay?" he asked in that throaty voice that was really sexy.

"Yeah, fine," I said. "I just, um… I hate to be a buzz-kill, but I have to go to the bathroom."

He laughed. "No problem. There's probably a bathroom up here."

I got off of him and fixed my skirt. He got up and grabbed his bottle of water. We went hunting on that floor for a bathroom, and there was one we could find, but there was a guy puking his guts out.

"There has to be at least one on each floor," Ollie said.

On the second floor, there was one with a long line.

"Stay here, I'll see if there's another one downstairs with a shorter line," he said.

I agreed, so I stood and waited. In the time it took Ollie had gone downstairs and come back up, exactly two people had finished using the bathroom. And there were still seven or eight people in front of me.

"No luck," he said. "The line downstairs is even longer."

I groaned. "I don't know if I can hold it." The though of actually going to the bathroom and being this close to it was making the whole feeling worse.

"I could go see if the guy is done throwing up," Ollie said. "But he didn't seem like he was going anywhere soon."

"Screw this," I said. I got out of line. "We're going outside. Come with me."

Red-faced, Ollie followed me outside. Luckily, the backyard of the house was pretty wooded. It was cool out, so not a lot of people were outside and no one was in the back. I walked behind a tree.

"Just make sure no one is coming," I said before pulling down my underwear and squatting behind the tree. Okay, it wasn't dignified, but I could_not_ wait.

"This is really communicating with nature," Ollie said.

"Shut up," I replied, but I was laughing. "I'm pissing on nature."

He laughed. "I don't think nature minds. Raccoons do it all the time."

"Did you just compare me to a raccoon?"

"…No."

I laughed again. I finally finished, but then realized I didn't have toilet paper. Awkward. I stayed there, leaning against the tree for a minute until I felt air-dried enough and then pulled up my underwear and stood.

"Feel better?" Ollie asked.

"Much. I need to wash my hands."

We went back inside and I washed my hands and got another Long Island iced tea. There were people dancing in the living room, and Ollie asked me if I wanted to dance.

"Sure. We did this backwards, didn't we? We made out and then we danced." I chuckled as he took my hand. We danced to some weird techno music and then Ducky came over and he danced with us. He hadn't met Ollie, so he introduced himself as he danced and then gave me a giant wink.

I was dancing in between the two boys, with my back against Ollie, leaning my head against his shoulder. He had his arms around my waist. Ducky was in front of me, dancing wildly (he's a crazy dancer, but a lot of fun) until some guy came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Ducky's middle and gave him a very sloppy kiss on the mouth. Ducky didn't seem to mind at all. The guy walked away and I raised my eyebrows at Ducky.

He just laughed and shrugged. He grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Ollie, spinning me in circles. Finally, I got back to Ollie, but he looked a little serious.

"What's wrong?" I shouted over the music.

"It's eleven-forty. I have to be home by midnight," he replied.

"Eleven-forty? How long have we been dancing? It felt like nothing."

He smiled. "More than half an hour. And then the kissing before that…"

"Time flies when you're having fun," I said. "Are you sure you can't get out of it? Call your parents and tell them you're staying the night somewhere else?"

"I can't lie to my parents. I have to go… I rode my bike over."

"I don't want you to get in trouble," I replied. I walked him outside and we kissed a little bit, and then he left. "Be careful!" I shouted lamely after him. After all, he _was_ riding his bike at midnight.

I went back into the party, feeling a little let down. I got another drink and sat down on a couch that had been moved to the dining room, and became a wallflower, watching everyone else dance from a distance. I felt a little resentful of Ollie. Why did he have to be so damn honest? But then again, it was one of the things I liked about him. He was honest and sweet, and adorable. I couldn't be mad at him, especially when he wasn't there, and especially not for doing the right thing and being a better person than me.

Amalia and Sunny found me.

"What are you doing sitting here?" Amalia asked.

"Ollie left. Curfew," I said. "So I'm wallowing."

"No wallowing! Fun! It's a party!" Sunny grabbed my arm and hauled me up. I spilled my drink all over the couch.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "I think that was the last of the tea, and now it's everywhere."

"Well, we definitely weren't here, and we didn't spill it," Sunny said. She pulled me away from the couch.

Part of me thought that was pretty irresponsible, but the rest of me thought it was funny, so I giggled. Amalia looked torn, too, but she also laughed.

Deciding not to let the lack of Ollie ruin my evening, especially since the night was still young for me, I grabbed onto Sunny's wrist. "Let's dance."

She grinned. "Great idea."

The three of us went back into the living and started dancing. We were getting a lot of attention, but I guess three hot chicks gyrating against each other to Massive Attack was a sight to see.

"Where's Douglas?" I asked loudly over the music.

"Sleeping off a few beers and a blowjob." Sunny grinned and winked at me. She pulled away from Amalia and me. "I'm getting a beer."

"Get me one!" I shouted after her. Amalia and I kept dancing and a few guys joined us. She was laughing, but then had to turn around and smack a guy who grabbed her butt. By the time Sunny got back with the beers, we were both cracking up. Sunny looked at us like we were crazy.

"I shouldn't give you this," she said, but she handed me the plastic cup anyway.

"Ugh, this cup is so wasteful," I said. "I hope they have a recycling bin around here. This cup can be recycled."

Sunny looked at me incredulously. "Yeah, Dawn, that's what I did. I looked for beer and a recycling bin."

"You used to care about the environment, too," I replied.

She nodded. "I guess I did."

And that was that.

I was about halfway through my beer (and the next song), and I was feeling tired, but I said to Sunny, "I thought Mary Anne was with you."

She gave me another funny look. "Where we in the middle of a conversation?"

I laughed. "Where's Mary Anne? I thought she was with you."

"Oh, I forgot about her. There's another dance party happening a couple rooms over. She was there the last time I saw her. Oh, wait. Dawn, over there." She pointed over my shoulder. "She's coming this way."

I turned around and waved. "Mary Anne!"

Mary Anne looked at me, and she grinned. She came staggering over and I realized that she had been drinking. "Dawn!" She gave me a giant hug and then a very long, open kiss on the mouth.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Mary Anne pulled away from me, stared at me for a moment, laughed, and then passed out in my arms. I dropped my beer and wrapped my arms around her to try to hold her up. I wasn't doing a very good job. I was still in shock that she had kissed me.

"Oh my god!" Sunny exclaimed.

"Get over to the couch," Amalia said. She ran around Sunny to help me hold up some of Mary Anne's weight.

"The couch is covered with Long Island iced tea," I said. "The three of us can move her upstairs into one of the bedrooms so she can rest."

"Where's Maggie?" Sunny asked. "She'd know what to do."

"I don't know, Sunny, help us!" Mary Anne was drooping.

Sunny finally grabbed Mary Anne around the middle and the three of us carried her up the stairs. It took forever because I kept trying to make sure not to hit her head on the banister, but everything was kind of wobbly, so it was difficult. She got a few bumps.

We found an empty bedroom (thank goodness, I didn't want to carry her up another flight of stairs) and put her on the bed.

"Should one of us stay with her?" Sunny asked. "I mean… she's fine now, right?"

I thought about alcohol poisoning and all those other horrible things that can happen to you when you drink, but nothing bad had ever happened to anyone I knew who had passed out.

I looked at Sunny and Amalia. "We should just come up and check on her every once in a while. It's not like we can carry her too much further. Like, out to the car? We can't do that. We might as well wait until she wakes up."

Sunny nodded and Amalia looked apprehensive.

"Do you have any better ideas?" I asked.

Amalia shook her head. "I guess not… Dawn, how much have _you_ had to drink?"

"Just a couple," I replied. I thought about it. A couple of the Long Island iced teas, and then half a beer. It wasn't bad. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Sunny, where's this other dance room? I don't want to go back to where I've spilled everything I've had in my hands."

Sunny laughed at me, and we all felt a lot more relaxed all of a sudden. Mary Anne made a funny sound, a cross between a snore and a moan, and that made me feel better. Like she was just sleeping, not passed out.

Maybe she _was_ just sleeping. Mary Anne could be narcoleptic for all knew. I didn't know this girl in the revealing shirt with the shaved head.

I turned and walked out of the room. Amalia and Sunny followed me downstairs. Sunny directed us to the other room with music. It was on the other side of the kitchen. I grabbed a replacement beer on the way.

The other room had quieter jazz music playing. We could still hear the dance music in the next room, but it sort of faded into the background. It was a lot more relaxing. I sank down into a big overstuffed armchair.

"Have either of you seen Claire and Brendan tonight?" I asked.

Amalia laughed. "You know those blowjobs we're never to speak of?"

"Oh."

"You and Ollie sure disappeared fast," Sunny said, raising her eyebrows at me suggestively.

I rolled my eyes. "We made out. And he protected me while I peed."

"WHAT?"

I explained about the bathroom lines, and Amalia thought it was funny. Sunny seemed kind of disturbed at the idea of peeing in front of a boy.

"He didn't _watch_," I said.

Sunny didn't comment. "That was your first real make-out session, wasn't it?"

I shook my head. "Remember last year when I went to that party at Marty McCarthy's house? And I disappeared and I never told you where I went?"

"You made out with Marty McCarthy?" Amalia asked, making a face.

"No! I made out with Link Driver!"

Sunny gasped. "You're a horrible person, Dawn! How can you be friends with Claire and wear her clothes when you made out with her boyfriend?"

"She's not dating him anymore!" I said.

"She was dating him at the time!"

"You hated her, then! You would have loved it if I had told you."

"Are you going to move in on Brendan next? Take his skinny bones for a ride? Are you just going to follow around in Claire's trail of soon-to-be-exes?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "I think Ollie and I are really dating now. No _practically_ dating about it."

"Speaking of practically dating, I should go check on Douglas. He seemed zonked, though." Sunny jumped up. I got a little woozy watching her move so fast. How could she have all the energy?

"We should check on Mary Anne, too," Amalia said. "Since we're going in that direction."

"Right, right." Mary Anne. It had been like fifteen minutes. I don't know why that annoyed me so much. I got up and went upstairs with them.

Sunny opened one of the doors. "Weird, he's not here. I thought he would have come and found me if he was up."

"I'm either impressed or scared that you blew him so hard he needed to take a nap," Amalia said.

Sunny grinned, but then her face grew more serious as she looked around the empty (and I mean empty, there wasn't anything in it, no wonder he got up, there wasn't even a bed) room and then shrugged. "This house is huge. He could be anywhere."

"Let's check on Mary Anne, make sure she's still alive." It struck me that I sounded very bitter and I would feel horrible if she wasn't alive. And not just because I made that comment. For the obvious reasons, too. Of course, I was pretty drunk, so I was mostly thinking in big block images.

I was the one who opened to the door to the room where we had left Mary Anne. So, I was the first one to scream. I didn't really have any other response to what was happening.

Mary Anne was still out cold. Her previously tantalizingly alluring shirt was now unbuttoned all the way, not hiding anything. Douglas was straddling Mary Anne with his pants around his ankles. His hand was in mid-stroke, and he stared at me like a deer caught in headlights. I stared at his penis.

Of course, Sunny and Amalia came running and Amalia stared, while Sunny began screaming long strings of obscenities as she stormed into the room. She began hitting Douglas, really waling on him. She called him a pervert and an asshole, and said if he ever came near her or her friends again, she'd put his balls in a vice and cut his dick off.

Douglas ran out of the room, tripping over his pants as he tried to pull them up.

"I can't believe I ever – that asshole – he! And Mary Anne! I…" Sunny sat down on the bed and started crying. I sat down next to her and comforted her while Amalia buttoned up Mary Anne's shirt.

"I feel like an idiot," Sunny said through her tears. "I thought he was a good guy."

"So did I," I said. "We all did. It's not your fault he's a jerk."

"I'm glad I didn't have sex with him. I was thinking about it. Poor Mary Anne." Sunny sniffled.

"Honestly, I don't think Mary Anne will ever know," Amalia said. She sat down on Sunny's other side.

I looked at Mary Anne and noticed that Amalia had the common sense to button up the shirt all the way. "I guess someone will have to tell her."

"No!" Sunny said. "She can't know. We're horrible friends, we just left her up here. I mean, she had been drinking and we just left her."

"How much did she have to drink anyway?" I asked.

"I saw her with a bottle of water… and a beer later," Amalia said. "She could have had a lot to drink, I guess."

"Unless someone slipped her something," Sunny said. "A roofie or something. She wouldn't have had to drink much, then."

I frowned. "Anyone could have given her something like that. Douglas just happened to find her."

"He was pretty stoned," Sunny said. "He had been smoking before we got here."

"You let him drive high?" I asked, my voice hitting a screech.

"Shush! Yes, what does it matter? We're all alive. And… shit. I have to find a ride home, now."

"Ducky will drive you. He's taking everyone else tomorrow morning," I said. "Don't worry about that."

"It _is_ tomorrow," Amalia said, looking at her watch. "Almost two."

I felt sick. "Can we find everyone and get to Ducky's? I don't want to be here anymore."

Sunny nodded. "I agree." She pulled out her cell phone and started making calls.

"We need to wake her up," Amalia said quietly, motioning to Mary Anne. "We can't carry her again."

"What should we do? Slap her? Splash her with cold water?" I asked. I had no idea. I was starting to feel panicky.

Amalia leaned over and gently tapped the side of Mary Anne's face with her fingers. "Mary Anne? Mary Anne, wake up." She shook Mary Anne's shoulders.

After a minute (it felt like hours), Mary Anne's eyes opened. "Ugh."

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Are we in a car?" she asked.

"You're lying down on a bed," I said, feeling kind of amused by that question.

"I think I'm going to-" Mary Anne leaned over and puked all over the floor. I didn't care about the mess.

I looked at Sunny. She was still on the phone, but was looking at us, rather disgusted.

"Do you have everyone?" I asked.

"Just Ducky and Maggie. Claire isn't answering and you know Brendan doesn't have a phone," she said. "But Ducky said to start getting Mary Anne downstairs. He's on his way up to help us. We can try Claire and Brendan again once Mary Anne is settled."

"Settled where?" Amalia asked. "We're not all going to fit in Ducky's car if she's lying down or something."

"We can get her to sit up," Sunny said. "Wearing a seat belt. She'll be fine."

The door opened and Ducky poked his head in. He looked at us and his face automatically went to the worried setting. "Are you guys okay?"

I looked around. Sunny's face was still wet and red from crying. Amalia looked anxious. I had to look tipsy, and Mary Anne was awake, but pale and moaning softly.

"We're okay," I said. "We just want to get out of here."

He nodded and came in the room the rest of the way. He stood there and looked at Mary Anne. "Can she walk?"

"Um, I don't know. Mary Anne? Do you think you can walk?"

"Yeah, o'course," she mumbled. She sat up and then clutched her head. "What's wrong with me?"

"Someone slipped you a roofie," Sunny said. "You're fine, nothing happened. You collapsed in Dawn's arms."

I turned and glared at Sunny. Was she honestly not going to tell Mary Anne what happened?

"A roofie? Oh my god!" Mary Anne yelped. She tried to get up, but she wavered. "I feel horrible."

"Mary Anne, this is Ducky. He's going to help us get you downstairs and to his car so you can sleep this off, okay?"

She looked at Ducky and he smiled. She smiled, too. Ducky has one of those faces. You can automatically trust him.

I helped Mary Anne stay in the sitting position, and Ducky got on one side of her, and Amalia on the other. They helped her up, and the three of them started down the hallway. Sunny went in front of them as they walked down the stairs sideways. It wasn't easy, but they wouldn't all fit on the stairs if they were facing forward. I followed behind them, feeling kind of useless.

Maggie was waiting for us downstairs with Claire and Brendan.

"You found them!" I said.

She nodded and looked at all of us. "Dawn, you look terrible."

"_I_ look terrible? Look at poor Mary Anne."

Maggie shrugged. "You look drunk."

I made a face. I know Maggie doesn't drink, since her mother is a recovering alcoholic, but I've never heard her sound disapproving of me before. "What did you do all night? I haven't seen you since we got here."

"I was around."

"Did you come to a party and study?" I asked. I sounded kind of nasty, and I knew it. Before I could apologize, Sunny interrupted us.

"Guys, can it. Get the door so we can get Mary Anne out to the car."

I looked at Claire as Maggie helped them get Mary Anne outside. I was expecting her to look annoyed or something, since she doesn't like having evenings cut short, but she looked worried. She turned to me.

"That's your stepsister, right? Will she be okay?"

"Yeah." I explained what happened, leaving out the part with Douglas.

Sunny walked back into the house. "Come on, guys. We got Mary Anne in the car, and Ducky's ready to go."

We trooped out to the car. Mary Anne was sitting in the front seat. I scooted across the driver's seat and sat next to her. I figured, she's my stepsister, if she's going to throw up, it might as well be on me. Ducky slipped in next to me.

I'm not quite sure how they squished five people in the back seat, but they managed. Sunny was sitting right behind Ducky and she was talking quietly in his eat, but I could hear most of what she was saying.

"…and then we got in a fight. I really appreciate you breaking the law to fit us all in here. Douglas is an asshole."

Ducky nodded.

"If I see him hanging around, I swear, I'll kick him in the nuts," she said.

Ducky chuckled. "Good for you," he said.

When we got to Ducky's house, we piled out of the car. Amalia and I helped Mary Anne into the house and then held onto her while Ducky fixed up the pullout couch in the living room. Claire and Brendan offered to share the bed with her.

Once they were in bed, Sunny, Amalia, and I followed Ducky upstairs to his room. He shared with a guy named Ricky. Ricky knew Sunny and me from the last party. He introduced himself to Amalia.

Maybe it was the dim light, but I could have sworn Amalia was blushing.

"Do you think Mary Anne will be okay?" I asked, looking at Ducky.

He nodded. "She'll be fine. She just needs some good rest. I'll be surprised if she remembers anything."

He found some blankets, and Ricky supplied a sleeping bag. Amalia and I slept on the floor. Sunny slept in the bed with Ducky. Even now that he's in college, she's still the closest to him.

I thought that I would never be able to fall asleep, but even on the floor, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

--- --- ---

When I woke up, all I could think about was water. I sat up and no one else was in the room. I went downstairs where a loud breakfast was being made. Maggie thrust a tall glass of water in my hand.

"You're hungover," she said.

"Yeah, I know," I mumbled, before guzzling the glass. I sat down at the table next to Brendan. Our entire group was there, plus Ricky and a couple other of Ducky's housemates, whom I didn't know.

Mary Anne was sitting in a chair in the corner, not exactly at the table. She was sipping a glass of water.

"How do you feel?" I asked, looking to her.

She looked at me and shrugged. "I don't remember anything that happened last night. You went upstairs with Ollie, and Sunny was dancing, and I had a beer, but after that, everything is fuzzy. I just woke up five minutes ago. I have a killer headache."

"I'm sorry," I said, thinking about whacking Mary Anne's head on the banister.

She gave me a funny look. "It's okay. I shouldn't have had anything to drink."

I decided to mention it later that we thought she had been drugged. I didn't feel like having a scene made right there, with everyone watching. I looked over at the clock on the stove. It was just after noon.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Ducky asked, looking at me. I shook my head.

"Eating sounds horrible."

He looked at me for a minute. "You should go upstairs and take a shower or something. You really look bad. Your dad will know you've been drinking in an instant. I brought your bag in from the car, it's sitting on the couch. You can use my stuff in the shower. It has the duct tape on it. Get it?" He grinned.

I laughed. I got up and grabbed my stuff and went upstairs to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I realized that Ducky was right. I looked like a blonde zombie with eyeliner smeared everywhere and big circles under my eyes.

I took the shower pretty fast, though it felt amazing, like I hadn't felt hot water in weeks. And Ducky's stuff smelled good. They were very neutral scents, like "Summer Rain" so I didn't smell especially masculine.

I changed into jeans and a t-shirt and put on some sneakers and went downstairs again. "I don't look like the living dead anymore, do I?"

"Much better," Ducky replied. "You still no on the food?"

"Do you have any juice?"

He got me an orange juice and Sunny mentioned her statement about vitamin C and the morning after pill again.

"Good to know," Ducky said.

For some reason, that reminded me of something. "Hey, Ducky, what was up with that guy last night? When we were dancing?"

Ducky paused. "Oh, him. He's not subtle, is he? I don't want to go out with him, but I like the attention, so I haven't told him outright that I'm not interested. It's cruel, but you think he'd eventually get it since I keep turning him down."

We were all very confused by Ducky's sexuality. He had a girlfriend for a very short time in his senior year. But he always flirts with guys, though to the best of my knowledge, he's never dated one.

Ricky rolled his eyes. "If Ducky went out with everyone who was interested in him, he'd get more action than anyone else in this house put together."

"Why do you think I turn them down? I wouldn't have time to study," Ducky said. He paused. "I wouldn't be able to _walk_, for that matter."

I chuckled and sipped at my juice. I felt the pressure to get home pretty quick. When I give a sort-of time I'll be home, Dad takes it as word, so if Mary Anne and I weren't home by one, he'd start to get worried and he might call Claire's house. That is, if he really even heard me say anything to him the night before. He and Carol can really be off in their own little world.

Ducky seemed to read my mind. "All right, who's ready to go home? I'm not packing everyone in like I did last night."

"Me," I said right away.

"I can take people home to," Ricky said. "If anyone's interested." He always seems really cool about Ducky being friends with high school students.

"So, that's Dawn, Mary Anne, and Sunny, since it's the same neighborhood. Maggie and Claire?"

Maggie nodded. She didn't look happy. I don't know what her problem was.

"I'll take these two home then," Ricky said, motioning to Amalia and Brendan.

"Don't worry about me," Brendan said. "I told my mom I wouldn't be home until dinner. I was thinking of going to the beach, and I can take the bus home."

I wondered if Brendan had noticed Amalia eyeing Ricky from across the table. He's pretty perceptive to these things, especially when it comes to Amalia. They might not be interested in each other as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, but they're really great friends.

"My mother isn't in town," Claire said. "I can go with you, Brendan."

He grinned.

There was a small conversation about where her mother was filming. Maggie looked mortified by how casual and comfortable Claire was talking about filming on location in New York City. Maggie would have snapped at anyone who asked where her dad was when he was out of town. Claire is proud of her mother's success. Maggie always seems ashamed.

Finally, we left. I tried to help Mary Anne, but she pulled away from me.

"I can walk," she snapped.

Whatever. I didn't want to fight with her. I didn't think she wanted to fight either. Instead I handed her a tissue and makeup remover. "Take off your makeup."

Mary Anne smiled a thanks and propped herself up in the back seat and removed her eye makeup in the review mirror. "I need to stop by Sunny's, I left my clothes there."

"No problem," Ducky replied. He pulled out of the driveway and waved at Amalia and Ricky who were walking out the front door.

I leaned back and looked around Mary Anne at Maggie. "I'm sorry I snapped at you last night. I was pretty wasted and worried."

She nodded. "It's okay. Just watch what you drink next time, okay?"

I nodded. "No problem."


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Dad seemed completely unconcerned about what Mary Anne and I had been doing all night. We pulled it off. I wasn't too surprised. Dad could be pretty wrapped up in his own life. I thought it would be different with Mary Anne here, but apparently not. I guess "sleepovers" really were harmless.

I kept meaning to tell Mary Anne that she had been drugged (she didn't remember a single thing, not even waking up and us telling her she'd been drugged), and what Douglas had done, but I never found the right way to say it. _Was_ there a right way to say that? Mary Anne seemed distant and quiet for the rest of the weekend, and that was just as well. I crashed on Saturday and did homework on Sunday.

Sunday night, I looked at Mary Anne. "Ready for a new school?"

She was sitting on the floor reading a book. She looked up. "Not really. I've never started at a new school before. I don't know what to expect or how to act. And I feel so stupid all the time for shaving my head. If I were back in Stoneybrook, I wouldn't care. I have so many friends there, it would make up for all the Alan Grays who want to make fun of me about it."

"Oh." I couldn't be any help, it wasn't like we were going to be at the same school. I knew a few kids who went to Palo High, but not well enough to name them so Mary Anne could meet them.

Mary Anne smiled. "Don't worry, Dawn. I'll be fine. I'm just nervous. Maybe girls with shaved heads are all the rage. I'd rather be ignored than ridiculed. That's really what I want. To be invisible. I want these next few weeks to be over. I want to go _home_."

"Oh. When do you start with your therapist?"

"Monday after school," she replied. "His name is Dr. Welsch. I don't know how I feel about having a male therapist. My therapist in Stoneybrook is a woman. But Dad contacted him, and got all the information."

"Did you tell him you were uncomfortable with having a male therapist? I know a female therapist in the area, Maggie goes to her," I said.

Mary Anne shrugged. "I told him I wanted a woman, but he thought it was important. For someone who disapproved of me dating so young, he sure wants me to know how to communicate with men. He thinks I spend too much time with my female friends."

"That's… weird."

"I know!" Mary Anne laughed. "He keeps pointing him and Sharon out as an example of why dating in high school is so important. I don't know how to get across to him that I'm not interested."

"It sounds like he's part of the problem," I said.

She shrugged. "Sometimes. I don't know what he thinks he's protecting me from. You would think that pushing me on boys would cause new things to protect me from."

"What does Mom think about all of this?"

"She doesn't like it that he's trying to make me something I'm not," Mary Anne said. "She's always tells him to back off. She's been wonderful, Dawn. I don't know how I would have handled the last two months without her. It's been putting a lot of stress on their marriage, though, disagreeing about me all the time. I think… I think he sent me out here so he doesn't have to worry about me. Like coming here will fix everything he's broken."

There's something about how she phrased that that made me nervous. "I doubt that. Richard has always had good intentions. And this is pretty extreme."

Mary Anne shrugged again. "I don't know anymore." She was quiet for a minute. "How did things go with your boyfriend? At the party?"

"Oh. Good. I think we're officially dating now. Or something." There's part of me that doesn't want to date Ollie. It's the part that wants to be as cool as Sunny who doesn't _really_ date guys. I had to remind myself how that worked out for her and Douglas.

"That's cool," Mary Anne replied. She smiled.

I paused. "Do you ever want to have a boyfriend again? I know you're not interested now, but… if you met the right guy?"

She took a deep breath. "Of course I want to be with someone again. There's something very comforting about that kind of security. Of course, with Logan, it was being smothered. I don't know why I put up with it as long as I did. Maybe because I didn't know any better. And then with Irv, I was constantly worried that he was going to leave me to the point that he _did_ leave me. It wasn't a very good relationship anyway."

"You know, Mary Anne, I think… maybe with these bad relationships, it might be a good thing that you _do_ know how to communicate with guys. Not just for dating purposes, but for anything. No one has to date."

"I know. I'm uncomfortable with it, though. The male therapist. I guess maybe it could be a good thing. I've spent a long time in my comfort zone. I'm in a different state, a different time zone. I should make the best of it. Grow up a little."

I wanted to say that I thought she had grown up plenty, but I kept the comment to myself. That sort of thing wasn't my place to say, even if I couldn't help but think about it.

The conversation put me at ease, though. Mary Anne would still open up to me. It was comforting to know that.

The next morning, Mary Anne and I got in a little fight about who got to shower first. Dad had _no_ idea how to handle that. He'd never had to deal with two teenage girls at one time. Especially when one of them was still calling him "Mr. Schafer." Carol told Mary Anne to shower first since Palo High starts fifteen minutes earlier than Vista.

"Oh well, it's not like she has hair to wash anyway," I muttered.

"Dawn, please," Dad said.

"Hey, you said to treat her normal. I want to take a shower. I'm not used to sharing at this time. It's _my_ time to take a shower."

"Work it out," he said and walked away.

Good. I didn't want to deal with him anyway.

Mary Anne and I didn't speak to each other as she left the bathroom and I went in to shower. When I came out, she was dressed and doing her makeup. She was wearing jeans and a long sleeved pink and white striped shirt.

"What shoes are you going to wear?" I asked, as I dug around in my closet for something to wear. I didn't feel like being cold over a little spat.

"Sneakers, I guess. I don't think it really matters. If you want to borrow something from me, go ahead," she said, not looking up from her compact.

"Thanks. Same goes on this end." Even with the invitation to borrow Mary Anne's clothes, I put on jeans and a t-shirt that said 'Hug a Tree, then go Plant One' in green letters. I sat down on my bed and put on a pair of Birkenstock clogs.

Mary Anne put away her makeup and put in a pair of earrings. They were a bunch of pink and silver stars hanging from a silver stud. She checked the clock. "I should get going."

"Okay. Wait. Mary Anne? When did you pierce your ears?"

"In the spring," she said. "You didn't notice all summer?"

"No. I guess your hair covered them up."

"I guess." She grabbed her backpack and stood up. "Dawn, I'll see you after I get back from the therapist."

"See you. Good luck."

"Thanks." She left.

I felt rotten. If I couldn't notice that Mary Anne had pierced her ears, how would I have ever noticed that she was having problems? Obviously, Mom and Richard had noticed. I felt like a horrible sister and a friend.

I grabbed an orange juice and headed out the door the same time as Jeff.

"Dawn?" he said. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," I said, kind of surprised. Jeff and I don't really walk to school together. We'll often be in eyesight of each other, but we have our own friends that we walk with.

"How do you think this Mary Anne thing is going?" he asked.

"I think it's okay. It'll be easier to tell after she's spent some days in school. Adjusted to the routine and everything. How do you think it's going?" I spotted Sunny walking down the sidewalk. She gave me a funny looked and I waved her on. She nodded.

"I don't know," Jeff said. "That's why I asked you. I thought you might have a better idea. I… I don't really know Mary Anne."

"She's been your stepsister for more than three years, how could you not know her?" I asked.

"I've lived here. She's the vacation stepsister. And how much of the time I'm in Stoneybrook do I spend with her? And then… Dawn, she's weird. And not just because she shaved her head," Jeff added. "She's just… she's weird."

"She's different," I agreed. "Maybe you could make an effort to get to know her better, while she's here? I think we've all reached a point where the age gap isn't so wide. You're not a kid anymore."

"I guess…"

"It's not too late to have a relationship with her."

Jeff shrugged. "It might be. She's kind of ignored me. Maybe she thinks I'm still ten. The whole situation is weird. What put it in Mom and Richard's minds that this was a good idea? Why did Dad and Carol agree to it? They don't really know Mary Anne, and then it turns out none of us do."

"I do!" I said.

"Do you? How was the party Friday night?"

I made a face. Even if I don't tell Jeff about these things, he hears about them anyway. It's one of the down sides to being in the same school. He never tells Dad and Carol, though.

"It was weird," I admitted. "Not because of Mary Anne, though. She was out of it most of the time."

"Was she high?"

"Drunk. We think someone slipped her something. She… she doesn't remember. She doesn't even know that she was drugged. She just thinks she drank too much."

"Wow. You didn't tell her?" Jeff's eyes were wide.

I sighed. "I don't know how. I guess… there was one kind of weird thing with her."

"What?"

I couldn't believe I was going to tell Jeff this, but I had kind of written it off with my friends and Mary Anne didn't even remember it. I had to tell _someone_. "Before she passed out, Mary Anne… kissed me."

"Kissed you? Like… on the mouth?" Jeff's face had screwed up to a very confused expression.

"Yeah."

"Ugh." His confused faced went to a disgusted face. "There are mental images I don't ever need to have. And two of the least sexually appealing women on the face of the planet making out is one of them."

"It wasn't making out, it was a kiss. And I'm weirded out, too. I don't know what that was all about. But she was pretty out of it at the time." I paused. "I don't really know why I told you that. You didn't have to know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jeff said.

We walked in silence for a few steps, and then I asked, "Who are the other least sexually appealing women on the planet?"

"Mom. Granny. Ms. Besser." Jeff stared straight ahead. I hadn't thought about Ms. Besser in years. She was Jeff's fifth grade teacher in Stoneybrook. "Corrie Lalique. She's disgusting."

I laughed. "Wait. Not Carol?"

Jeff's face turned red. "Don't even touch it. It's embarrassing enough as it is."

"Jeff! That's so screwed up!"

"Tell me about it." He gave me a dark look. "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you."

"Not a word," I promised. I didn't want to think about what that could mean anyway. We reached the front lawn of Vista and went our separate ways. I realized that Jeff and I hadn't really figured out anything with Mary Anne. Maybe we couldn't.

-- -- --

After school, I went to the beach. There were a few people there, mostly surfers. Even though I was wearing a t-shirt and no jacket, it was definitely too cold to swim. I just sat in the sand (also rather cold) and watched the ocean. I needed to clear my head.

"Penny for your thoughts."

I looked up and Ducky was standing over me. "I believe these private thoughts are worth a dime," I said, grinning up at him.

He plopped down next to me. "What's up?"

"Nothing. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing. I didn't have any classes this afternoon, so I thought I'd come chill at the beach. It's a nice place in the fall. No one's around, but it's still warm enough to enjoy the sand and the sun." He stretched his legs out in front of him.

"Mary Anne's with her new therapist right now. I'm kind of worried. I don't know if I'm worried because he might want her to stay here, or he thinks that she shouldn't run away from her problems, and Mom and Richard are wrong, and send her back home. She's this new, weird person and I want to get to know this new person, too." I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you that."

Ducky grinned. "What am I if not everyone's personal shrink? I think you should wait it out. I don't think anyone will send her back home right away. It's not healthy to jump around the country like that. I'm sure, even if he thinks she should go home, he won't send her right back."

"Maybe." I shivered. I should have worn a jacket. The wind was picking up.

"Look at it this way," he said, pulling off his jacket, revealing a purple button-up shirt. He put the jacket around my shoulders. "Take the time you have to get out everything you feel you need to say to Mary Anne. All the unspoken things. It'll be harder later, especially over the phone. She has a therapist to talk to about it."

"Does talking things out really work?" I asked. "It seems to just make everything worse. Aren't there things we're better not knowing?"

"And that is where you need to use common sense. To figure out what needs to be said, and what needs to be left alone. Did you talk to Mary Anne about the party?"

My face reddened. "No."

"Dawn…"

"I know, I know. It's bothering me. I talked about it with Jeff, though. I can't forget about him. He said he felt invisible to Mary Anne. I don't want him to think he's invisible to me, either. Because, honestly, I didn't think about him all weekend. I was so wrapped up in Mary Anne, and for what? To lie to her about getting drugged and accosted, and she's still as awkward as ever."

"Accosted," Ducky said as a statement. It was a light, nonjudgmental tone.

"Nothing." My face felt flaming hot.

"All right. You know, Dawn, this was a lot for your family to put on you. And Jeff. Your dad and Carol, your mom and your stepfather. One day she's in Connecticut and the next day she's here. Maybe you should look into a therapist, too."

"I don't have any problems," I said right away. "I can handle this. I just… I feel stupid, Ducky. Like I should have known there were problems. She was normal when I was there in August. How could she have really changed in less than three months? Or maybe she had changed and I didn't notice."

Maybe I did need to see a therapist. It felt good to tell Ducky all of these thoughts in my head.

Ducky made an understanding noise and nodded. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him. We were quiet, just watching the ocean and he asked, "How are things with you and Ollie?"

"Oh, great. Absolutely great." I grinned. "He's fantastic."

"I'm glad to hear it. You deserve only the best, Dawn."

I smiled. I felt warm and comfortable, and safe. It was the kind of comfort you have from your dad when you're a little kid. Like you'll always be protected. Ducky was that perfect kind of calming influence.

Saying out loud all that had been in my head made the words and feelings seem real. Twenty minutes later, Ducky and I parted ways. He had to be at work. I had to do homework and possibly talk with Mary Anne. He insisted I keep his jacket since he couldn't drive me home and I had to walk.

I got home and went into my room –mine and Mary Anne's room- and Mary Anne was sitting on her cot crying. She looked young.

"Mary Anne?"

She looked up, wiping her eyes. "Hi, Dawn."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You're crying."

She sighed. "Therapy is helpful, but not easy. Don't worry about me."

"Okay." I sat down on my bed and looked at her for a moment. "_Is_ it helpful? Dad said that your therapy in Stoneybrook wasn't helping. That's why you came here."

"My therapy in Stoneybrook was working just fine." Mary Anne looked annoyed. "Dad just hated my therapist. A lot of the things he thought were problems, she didn't think were. I think…" she took a deep, tearful breath. "I think Dad hates me."

"Why?!" I couldn't even conceive the thought. Richard had been strict with Mary Anne growing up, and they hadn't been close, but he had been very loving, even if he didn't always show it.

"He wants some kind of perfect daughter, and I don't know how to tell him that's not what he has. I'm full of flaws, but the things he's concentrating on _aren't flaws_. Dad wanted me to feel ashamed of myself, but I refuse."

My eyes were wide. "What?"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"All right. Well, Mary Anne, if you ever want to talk about anything… I'm here. You know that, right?"

She nodded. "I know. I'm just… I'm so talked out, Dawn. Everyone wants me to talk, and there isn't anything to talk about. There really isn't."

"Okay." I didn't want to push her. "Mary Anne? Can you answer me one thing?"

"Maybe," she said.

"Why did Mom and Richard send you here? What could they have said to Dad and Carol to make them think that this was the best place for you to be? Not that I don't love being with you-"

"I know. Since Grandma Baker passed, they didn't know where else for me to go. Dad doesn't know how to handle me anymore. Just because I don't do everything I'm supposed to, the way I'm supposed to. I don't know what they could have told your dad and Carol, to be honest. Dad, with the state of mind he's in, probably lied to them."

"Oh."

She smiled softly. "It's okay, Dawn. You don't have to worry about me."

For a moment there, I actually believed that was true.


End file.
